You can listen to this reflection or read the text below — or both.
How Do I Feel Right Now?
Right now, I feel anger.
And I feel guilt.
And I feel sadness.
And I feel desperation.
I feel anger because I look at what’s going on in the United States — Minnesota, but also other parts of the world — and I see so much hatred and so much power and so much money leading these so-called powerful people into hell.
They are already in hell, and they are pushing others into a dark place.
It is the complete opposite of anything that any religion — any healthy part of a religion — has taught people to do and to be.
To help your neighbor.
To be kind.
To accept.
To tolerate.
To not do harm.
To not lie.
Right action.
Right view.
Mindfulness.
This is part of the Eightfold Path.
And just to name it fully, the Eightfold Path includes:
- Right View
- Right Intention
- Right Speech
- Right Action
- Right Livelihood
- Right Effort
- Right Mindfulness
- Right Concentration
Somehow — not everywhere, but in parts of the world and in many people’s hearts — this feels almost non-existent.
It is so hard for me to fathom this. To understand why this is happening. Where did we go wrong as a species?
We are treating fellow humans as if they were trash.
We are treating animals this way.
We are treating nature this way.
And then we talk about going to another planet to save ourselves from what we have ruined on this one.
I think of it like this: your house is a mess. Instead of cleaning it, you want to move to another house. And yes, maybe you can do that if you have a lot of money — and that is part of the problem.
But let’s say there is no other house.
Why not just clean the one you are in?
Why not go room by room and clean it up?
Once you clean the house, you start to feel better — even within yourself. You put things where they belong. You follow simple rules.
I know there are a lot of good people out there. And I think it’s necessary to find them, to report about them, and to show that there is so much goodness.
We focus so much on all the evil and all the crap. And yes, it is important to report on what these people are doing. If we don’t, they will just keep doing it.
But it is also important to show that not everybody is evil.
For example, there is this group of Buddhist monks — nineteen monks plus a dog — who are walking thousands of miles from Texas to Washington, D.C. It’s a walk for peace. They are walking barefoot, around thirty miles a day.
When I see the people waiting for them on the side of the road, getting down on their knees, putting their hands together, welcoming them, giving them flowers — my heart opens. I cry every time.
These monks are seen as a blessing. And that feels so needed right now.
Here I am, sitting on my couch. My safe place. A bit messy around me, but the sun is shining. I’m feeding the birds. The snow is slowly melting. Everything is safe right now.
I am safe right now.
Others are not.
And this is where the guilt comes in.
I sit here in my little world, feeling a lot of emotions, and I ask myself: Am I doing enough?
And if not, what can I do?
I am scared. I am scared to go out there. But maybe “out there” doesn’t only mean physically going into the streets. I don’t live in the United States. I live in Germany, where — for now — things are okay.
So what else can I do from the comfort of my couch?
I look at myself and I look tired. Pale. Not healthy. And I wonder what is possible for me right now.
I can share goodness.
I can talk about good deeds.
I can record myself and express what I feel.
I can write.
I can donate money.
I can speak up.
People often say that doing nothing makes you complicit.
This reminds me of the Holocaust. I am sure many people didn’t agree with what was happening, but they were afraid. And then there were others — those who hid Jews, who helped them escape, who risked their lives.
I think of Denmark, where people put Stars of David on all their doors so the Nazis could not identify Jewish homes. Quiet courage. Quiet resistance. Thousands of lives saved.
I don’t know what the answer is today. I don’t know how to stop this kind of evil. I don’t understand why so many stay quiet.
What I do know is that I cannot live with this feeling of guilt and helplessness forever.
I don’t understand how people can be so cruel. Maybe that is naïve. But it still hurts.
Right now, I feel empty. I feel weak. I feel unmotivated. And yes — I feel depressed about it.
But I don’t want to end this in a hopeless way. That would mean losing the battle.
So I will continue to teach my classes.
I will continue to try to be kind to myself and others.
I will continue to study and grow.
And I will do my best to communicate — in whatever small way I can — that there is a way out of this awful place.
You can always clean your house.
Start with one room.
Tidy it up.
Do the right thing.
If you are reading this and feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or helpless, maybe you don’t need an answer right now.
Maybe it’s enough to ask:
What is one small thing I can do today that causes less harm — and a little more care?
That might be where the path begins.